Monday, December 29, 2008
Oh tears of cold.
The sadness and overwhelming stillness.
Music is my solace.
Peace can be had in the Great Land.
I love the life here.
I find my way and see the opportunity.
The wonderful souls who live here.
Please let me see the beauty.
I have so many blessings.
Is it just about one man?
I think not.
It is a beautiful romance.
A wonderful story.
Make it so.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Beautiful Daughter of my life,
When I first saw you, it was a happy moment. Dark, morning child. Silent entry, flower girl. I knew you were the brightest star the world has seen. I get to be near you every day. It 's my greatest strength and legacy. I always think of you on this fine day after Christmas. One thing leads to another, then there's your brother. Oh family free. The mighty, sweet, sweet, tree.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Fluffy. Full on flakes. The boundary on Christmas is your own making. The country braces daily with conditions. It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks. And at his feet we'll cast the golden crown. Listen to the words long written down. When the man comes around. I heard a voice. The Alpha and Omega. Let me find the way. I will continue to begin.
Beautiful, so beautiful.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
No poem tonight
or words of simple beauty
a full belly and a sad heart
so much change
my new home has sharp edges
my new life has gaps of emptiness
I fill the time with art
days slip by in prayer
I find a moment in love
survival in the Great Land
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
I'm recovering from a wild week of work. A Broadway Show, the retail world, writing my column for Turnagain Times, teaching yoga and working at the radio station. It's been intense, and now I remember what my life used to be like in Portland. It was busy, busy, busy. I feel as though I should continue to find work. I look at the economy and the folks around me, and it's scary times in the lower 48. I keep plugging away. That's all I can do. I pray for all the families who are struggling and I will find a way to help. The image is Ted Neeley and I back stage at the Atwood Concert Hall.
Friday, December 12, 2008
It's Friday, full moon in Gemini! It's my time and I had Sara laughing her ass off. We were talking on Skype and I imitated a dog not understanding that you've got to let go of the ball to play catch. Grrrrrrrrrrr. Let go! That's what I'm working on. I'm happy! Even as I deal with the deep, dark, secrets of life, I still love myself and all the characters who make up this village. I'm learning to walk free. It's lonesome to have your own way to go, but I walk beside the most powerful spirits that exist. Lucky me! The tears pop out as I listen to Tom Waites sing. I will finish my first column for Turnagain Times, then yoga, then 'Jesus Christ Super Star'. Last night, Ted Neeley (JC) came up to me and thanked me for all my hard work. I suddenly remembered that every time I've worked with him (5), he has come up to me and said, "Thank you". Ted has a unique sound, and his presence is petite and polite. I still love show business. The transition from the Performing Arts to the Magic Healing Arts is not such a leap, but it is tough to manifest. Walk the path that Universe has provided. I'm getting it.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It's late after a performance of "Jesus Christ Superstar'. I'm tired after a long day, and there's another one on the way tomorrow. I'm booked like crazy, and I must stay on task. It's been very difficult to understand all that's happening, but I can and will bounce and flow. That's all I can do. Change, change, and more change. The lights went out for about four hours a couple of nights ago. We had cocktails with strawberries by lantern light.
Monday, December 8, 2008
I love the weather in Alaska. I know you don't hear that too often, but I realize that it does keep the slackers away. They say with the recession, it will bring more folks from the Lower 48, but I think there's room for us all in the Great Land. I went to KNBA today and worked on the Public Service Announcements. I had a good day working with Shyanne Beatty and Loren Dixon. We laughed and laughed. Shyanne and I worked on our menu for New Year's Eve. We're going to Talkeetna to see the Whipsaw's. I'm excited. We're talking about having stuffed Moose Heart. She has had the Moose Heart since her mother's funeral. This will be a sacred stuffed Moose Heart, and I've been looking up recipes. She likes my Cranberry/Lemon Sauce that I made for Thanksgiving. I will make that for sure, and we'll have other delicious choices. It's different here during the holidays. I learn every day about the traditions of Alaska. I like the wildness, and the excitement people feel about food and eating. It's going to be a new ride in to 2009. I'm ready.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I wake with the knowledge that I'm alone. I'm on my own and I like it. I see couples stroll by. I hear their conversations and I remember what I don't like about being in relationship. I miss the companionship and I miss the comfort of closeness, but I understand that I'm to be alone now. I accept that. I have people I love, but I don't want to live with them. I want to play and be free. I still cling to ideals of men and women in love. I clutch at images of what a good relationship is. I'm deconstructing my whole concept. I understand that I can no longer look at my life in conventional terms. I suppose mine has never been a conventional life, but there was order and peace. I miss the peace. When I find acceptance, serenity, and surrender, I rejoice. It comes to me on certain occasions, but then it disappears and I struggle. Today I found Zen. I remember something from long ago when I was a brave child, on my own, traveling the country, fearlessly. I recall when I was a young mother in chaos. I didn't see it then. I walked forward with my children, convinced I knew it all. Ah, the folly of youth.
The softest thing in the universe
Overcomes the hardest thing in the universe.
That without substance can enter where there is no room.
Hence I know the value of non-action.
Teaching without words and work without doing
Are understood by few.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I feel alive here. I'm almost ready for my show. The party should be fun. What a new world. What a strange awakening. I grow slowly. I can just move on with my life now. It's happening. I struggle needlessly. I begin to see how beautiful it is.