Monday, December 29, 2008
Oh tears of cold.
The sadness and overwhelming stillness.
Music is my solace.
Peace can be had in the Great Land.
I love the life here.
I find my way and see the opportunity.
The wonderful souls who live here.
Please let me see the beauty.
I have so many blessings.
Is it just about one man?
I think not.
It is a beautiful romance.
A wonderful story.
Make it so.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Beautiful Daughter of my life,
When I first saw you, it was a happy moment. Dark, morning child. Silent entry, flower girl. I knew you were the brightest star the world has seen. I get to be near you every day. It 's my greatest strength and legacy. I always think of you on this fine day after Christmas. One thing leads to another, then there's your brother. Oh family free. The mighty, sweet, sweet, tree.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Fluffy. Full on flakes. The boundary on Christmas is your own making. The country braces daily with conditions. It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks. And at his feet we'll cast the golden crown. Listen to the words long written down. When the man comes around. I heard a voice. The Alpha and Omega. Let me find the way. I will continue to begin.
Beautiful, so beautiful.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
No poem tonight
or words of simple beauty
a full belly and a sad heart
so much change
my new home has sharp edges
my new life has gaps of emptiness
I fill the time with art
days slip by in prayer
I find a moment in love
survival in the Great Land
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
I'm recovering from a wild week of work. A Broadway Show, the retail world, writing my column for Turnagain Times, teaching yoga and working at the radio station. It's been intense, and now I remember what my life used to be like in Portland. It was busy, busy, busy. I feel as though I should continue to find work. I look at the economy and the folks around me, and it's scary times in the lower 48. I keep plugging away. That's all I can do. I pray for all the families who are struggling and I will find a way to help. The image is Ted Neeley and I back stage at the Atwood Concert Hall.
Friday, December 12, 2008
It's Friday, full moon in Gemini! It's my time and I had Sara laughing her ass off. We were talking on Skype and I imitated a dog not understanding that you've got to let go of the ball to play catch. Grrrrrrrrrrr. Let go! That's what I'm working on. I'm happy! Even as I deal with the deep, dark, secrets of life, I still love myself and all the characters who make up this village. I'm learning to walk free. It's lonesome to have your own way to go, but I walk beside the most powerful spirits that exist. Lucky me! The tears pop out as I listen to Tom Waites sing. I will finish my first column for Turnagain Times, then yoga, then 'Jesus Christ Super Star'. Last night, Ted Neeley (JC) came up to me and thanked me for all my hard work. I suddenly remembered that every time I've worked with him (5), he has come up to me and said, "Thank you". Ted has a unique sound, and his presence is petite and polite. I still love show business. The transition from the Performing Arts to the Magic Healing Arts is not such a leap, but it is tough to manifest. Walk the path that Universe has provided. I'm getting it.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It's late after a performance of "Jesus Christ Superstar'. I'm tired after a long day, and there's another one on the way tomorrow. I'm booked like crazy, and I must stay on task. It's been very difficult to understand all that's happening, but I can and will bounce and flow. That's all I can do. Change, change, and more change. The lights went out for about four hours a couple of nights ago. We had cocktails with strawberries by lantern light.
Monday, December 8, 2008
I love the weather in Alaska. I know you don't hear that too often, but I realize that it does keep the slackers away. They say with the recession, it will bring more folks from the Lower 48, but I think there's room for us all in the Great Land. I went to KNBA today and worked on the Public Service Announcements. I had a good day working with Shyanne Beatty and Loren Dixon. We laughed and laughed. Shyanne and I worked on our menu for New Year's Eve. We're going to Talkeetna to see the Whipsaw's. I'm excited. We're talking about having stuffed Moose Heart. She has had the Moose Heart since her mother's funeral. This will be a sacred stuffed Moose Heart, and I've been looking up recipes. She likes my Cranberry/Lemon Sauce that I made for Thanksgiving. I will make that for sure, and we'll have other delicious choices. It's different here during the holidays. I learn every day about the traditions of Alaska. I like the wildness, and the excitement people feel about food and eating. It's going to be a new ride in to 2009. I'm ready.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I wake with the knowledge that I'm alone. I'm on my own and I like it. I see couples stroll by. I hear their conversations and I remember what I don't like about being in relationship. I miss the companionship and I miss the comfort of closeness, but I understand that I'm to be alone now. I accept that. I have people I love, but I don't want to live with them. I want to play and be free. I still cling to ideals of men and women in love. I clutch at images of what a good relationship is. I'm deconstructing my whole concept. I understand that I can no longer look at my life in conventional terms. I suppose mine has never been a conventional life, but there was order and peace. I miss the peace. When I find acceptance, serenity, and surrender, I rejoice. It comes to me on certain occasions, but then it disappears and I struggle. Today I found Zen. I remember something from long ago when I was a brave child, on my own, traveling the country, fearlessly. I recall when I was a young mother in chaos. I didn't see it then. I walked forward with my children, convinced I knew it all. Ah, the folly of youth.
The softest thing in the universe
Overcomes the hardest thing in the universe.
That without substance can enter where there is no room.
Hence I know the value of non-action.
Teaching without words and work without doing
Are understood by few.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I feel alive here. I'm almost ready for my show. The party should be fun. What a new world. What a strange awakening. I grow slowly. I can just move on with my life now. It's happening. I struggle needlessly. I begin to see how beautiful it is.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
As this amazing year winds down, I continue to give thanks. Even if I don't understand what's happening, I go forward and know it will be revealed. My heart is the leader in this transition, and it has far to go to. Sometimes I have flashes of contentment, and appreciation for where things are this very moment. Thank you and may those moments grow in to hours, and hours in to days. I ask for guidance and protection. Oh love, it's beautiful.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sometimes I don't feel that great. That's when I give it up to the universe. I let go and know that if I keep going, I'll get sick or do something dumb. When I need to rest, I rest. As a volunteer, you do what you can and then you speak the truth, and say what your limits are. In that, there is no bad choice. You can only do what you can do. I can't do it all. I want to lie down, so I will. I want to thank all the folks who have been so kind to me this year. It was a big one, and it took many listeners and loving friends to get me through these days. The image is of Shyanne Beatty and myself at the KNBA Studios. Thank you!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
What a splendid, Spiritual Sunday. I woke up laughing from last night. I stayed up in to the wee hours and talked on Skype with Sara. We have fun and amuse ourselves endlessly. We use Garage Band and record our own songs now. I finally learned how to upload videos. I'm a girl gone wild with technology. I want to sing, dance, and play for the rest of my life. I will also work, build, create, and be responsible. It's magical times like this that I wish would never end. I'm simply happy and grateful that I'm feeling like I'm healing.
Friday, November 21, 2008
My new life is actualizing. Each day brings me closer to feeling better and knowing that things are improving. I light my candles and continue with my belief that through love, I'll manage this rough start. I'm not sure where it all leads, but I enjoy being happier.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The week began with a bang. It's continually unfolding here in AK. The days grow shorter and shorter, but we continue to work. Life goes on in the dark. I don't mind for some reason. I find that I get things accomplished. I'm sending Chapter 9 off to Iris. The end of the first draft is coming. I wonder how I can be nostalgic about this story before it's even finished? I will take some time to paint, work and play after getting completed on this stage of the novel. I can write whatever I want. That's fun. I have drawn some lines in the sand. I hope I don't cross them. The year comes to a close. My blog is eleven months old. I remember what this time last year was like. Gosh, it's been the wildest ride of my life. I can see how much I've grown. I don't believe that would've come to pass if I hadn't decided to move to Alaska. I know I go on and on about AK, but until you've been here, I don't think people have any idea how big, beautiful and mystical it is. Although I cry every day, I'm happy.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I'm happy to be here. AK is alive with possibilities. I connect with some of the craziest stuff. Strange, beautiful, wondrous and very, very beautiful. I listen to the music of the people. I'm in love with Jr., the drummer for the Whip Saws. He's the man. What a striking person. He's like a rocking ship that guides the band through unchartered waves of excellent rhythm. This hot, country, rock band, is one of the favorites of my life. I get to see them live, and in person. Indian, Alaska and the Brown Bear, are two of the finest things about being in the Great Land. The drive south to Indian, is spectacular. The town sits next to Turnagain Arm, and is so tiny, you could easily pass it without noticing the Liquor Store and bar that sit back a ways off the Seward Highway. The setting is out of this world, even at night. The Brown Bear has a long bar, a pool table that they religiously cover when the music starts, wooden floors, signed dollar bills tacked up everywhere, and a worn, family feel. It has all the charm of an embracing, historical, hang out. Much like a club house, or rumpus room, it's fun and full of wildness, Alaska style. I may journey there again tonight. I'm a Grand Ma. I can do what I want.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Snow blankets the city of Anchorage. We're snuggled in and finding ways to be creative in the winter conditions. I feel excited about the future. Im seeing the progress I've made and although this is not the most temperate climate to call home, I feel wonderful about moving here to Alaska. When I'm away from the Great Land, I miss it. I have my process, rituals, sacred sessions of meditation, prayer and complete faith. It's such a beautiful time in my life. I'm finally feeling better and I want to stay this way. I must not wake the sleeping dogs. Shhhhhhh.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I'm a Cellar Dweller, but not for long. My new digs will have some light and I'll sleep on the 2nd Floor. It's going to be tight quarters, but it'll be the best winter of my life. I know now. It's becoming clear. I still cry like a baby, but only because I'm human and tears feel like a cleansing when they fall. I reach out with love. I know it's not all received in the best way sometimes, but it's not for me to say. I just continue to love and feel embraced by this incredible community of characters.
Today is flat blue with smears of clouds. The image is my moose friend baby, who's getting a thick layer of fur since I saw him last. Our new home is near the park, but I'm not sure it's moose country. I've seen them in the oddest places, so nothing would surprise me. I will miss living near Saturn on the Coast Trail, but I will find a whole new neighborhood to discover.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
The image is rocks. They're beautiful, planted, hard, colorful, quiet, patient, hot, cold, flat and pointy.
I wake today and know I begin fresh.
I'm fortunate to be able to write. I'm aware of a natural, flowing push to complete this novel that's important to me. I tell the story of a woman who transitions form the Performing Arts to the Healing Arts. The kicker is she believes it's her idea and that she's in control about the change. The story weaves a trail of adventure, romance, and spiritual awakening that can't be controlled by anything but fate. When real life transforms to magic, our heroine is forced to let go.
Friday, November 7, 2008
I knew that this time was going to be a challenge, but I had no idea it was going to be a non-stop battle. Yes, it's what it is. I'm relishing the remainder of the Autumn in my images, because it's already blankets of snow here in AK. We have to move from our palatial digs. The house may sell any minute. There're two possible buyers. I had a distinct premonition that I would be moving again. I begin another transition and I'll learn even more about what I'm made of. I should say, "Bring it on!" I know in my heart that I will rise to the times and I can only grow through this adventure. Keep on writing!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I'm just about to get on board to Anchorage. I'm feeling like I did a lot of closure this trip. I went through many of my piles of old crap and diminished them. I made peace with my brother Peter. I'm ready to go back to the Arctic and finish my novel. I can do this now. I'm ready for the rest of my healing. I think this may be the best holiday season I've had in many years. Thank you Universe! I hear the jets. I see the lights. Love is in the air!
New York City is one of the greatest places on Earth. I will always travel there and I will always remember my heritage, history and life story in vivid, living color. We flew across the country as the pilot updated us on the Electoral Votes and Senate races. We left Newark not knowing any results. We landed in Portland with President Elect Obama giving his speech and passengers stopping and listening to his words from a monitor that sounded melodious compared to what we've been listening to for so long. The mood at the airport was festive. Hickory called me from Brooklyn to say that hundreds of people were on Bedford and 7th celebrating the great news. I've learned many things on this leg of my Alaska adventure. I now head slowly back to Anchorage, covering my tracks as I go. My work is cut out for me. I know this is the challenge of my life. There's no going back, and I wouldn't want to. Life is such a blessing and I'm healing.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I'm exhausted. It's been a beautiful adventure. I'm ready to go back to Alaska. I don't know exactly what's in store, but I will trust because it's the way. This image is the marathon in Brooklyn. I just got this one shot of Tai. He's far back on the right. It was happening so fast. I couldn't keep up. I just snapped away and got what I could. The whole world seems connected today and I believe that the change will be good for this country no matter what. We fly to Portland tonight. It's just one, big, wild, ride. Love, love, love.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I voted in Oregon. Dear America, please do the right thing. I saw all the Hope posters and stickers plastered on the walls and doorways of New York City. It's exciting, but everyone has the jitters. We fly back to Oregon on Election Day. It should be quite a ride. I want to wax poetic about the times, but mostly I just experience it. I'm looking forward to going back to Alaska. I'm not sure what it's all about, but I know I made the right choice. I love my family!
Friday, October 31, 2008
I danced, lit candles and listened to music as I packed and stored all my belongings. I'm out of my apartment and off we go to NYC. This image is my last fire in my fireplace on SE Larch Street. It was a wonderful place to live, but I was never there. I trust I will find another perfect abode when it's time. More later...it's Halloween in New York City! We're going to buy pie.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Today was soft, warm, golden, buttery, sunlit autumn in pdx.
This has been my sweetest visit so far, so good.
Love is in the air and I melt with the touch of brown.
Luxurious and smooth I dance and play.
Soaking in a tub of steaming, scented water,
I listen to music of the times.
This five day reprieve into my secret creation is miraculous.
I'm inspired by growth, surrender and acceptance.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I Love Beauty
But Beauty won't speak to me
Tonight I find it humorous
An encouraging sign
The invitation is to make light of the
situation that threatens to overwhelm me
The advice was to follow the path that God intended
The gift is to laugh
Heaven's music is laughter
The blessing was, "God Speed My Little One"
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Teaching yoga to women prisoners is a blessing
Our word for the practice this evening was compassion
I took them on a journey
They asked to listen to my rain in the forest with birds song twice
I nearly cried in front of them often
So beautiful and supportive
We even did Elbow to Knee w/Block
Power house big house
I love my home in Alaska
It's such a rarity
Let me love
Let me forgive
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I went to the Native Heritage Center last weekend. They had free admission all day, so many people came to see the entertainment and the Center. I enjoyed it. Seeing all the people there was great and the performers were outstanding. I saw Medicine Dream, they're a native band from Alaska that were funny, talented, moving, exciting and rocking. Buzz is one of the members and he led the audience in the 'Round Dance'. He was singing and playing drums, and then he calmly said, "Let's dance." He gracefully stepped off the stage and started to dance alone, then slowly people got up to join him. It was beautiful to see the families get up and dance like they've danced forever. I was touched in a profound way. The community here in Anchorage is small and supportive. I felt welcome. The Center is a well designed structure that I found comfortable and it seems to serve the people. I was there with KNBA, the Native Voice Radio Station here in Anchorage. 90.3 FM. You can stream it. I was helping Shyanne Beatty organize interviews and I took photographs. The shot above is two members of Medicine Dream. I hear the Raven outside my window, I gotta go see what's up.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
I take the feathers
in my hand
I touch them gently
Hold them up
Hang them down
Admire the form and shape
I had wings once
My heart has wings today
I fly toward the mountains
To a place I know
My sacred space in Alaska
The sweetest spot in
the Great Land
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I drove to Eagle River where the Hiland Mountain Correctional Institute is and taught yoga to the inmates. As I cruised north, I listened to the last Presidential debate before the election on the radio, and kept my eyes on the wintry road. It's been snowing a lot. The undercurrent of Anchorage comes out as the temperatures plunge, darkness settles upon us, and snow blankets the dreary city. I've recently spent some time with folks who don't love Alaska. They ask me, "What are you doing here?" I laugh and say, "I was told to come here, by a very strong force in my life. It's called my heart." They answered back laughing louder, "This is hell Robin. This is hell." When you go into a prison like I did tonight, you feel fortunate not to be incarcerated, but you also have a haunted feeling. There's a distinct loneliness when you see families visiting each other. Children spending time with their mothers in jail is heart wrenching. It's like getting a belly kick and you can't catch your breath. Before I left for the prison, I watched some of the debate at home with the 18 year old foster child who lives at the house where I stay. His name is Antonio. He wants to be a marine and is a McCain supporter. We got in to a political discussion that led to an argument. I was taking the world peace approach and he was staunchly giving all the reasons why there could never be world peace. I said, "There should be no guns. People have guns because they're afraid." He said, "McCain will lead us through the troubled times ahead better than Obama." I was frustrated listening to him talk over the debate and in a hot flash of anger I said, "Yea, well if Obama wins, they'll probably assassinate him". Antonio asked, "Why, because he's black?" and I said, "No, because he's President." Antonio said, "The CIA won't let anyone get to the President". I said, "Are you crazy? Nobodies safe in this world." He insisted that the CIA was protection enough. I said, "Antonio, Presidents have been murdered before." He replied, "That was a long time ago." I couldn't believe he thinks it's ancient history. I can't believe he actually feels the CIA can protect anyone. I said, "Antonio, anyone can be bought. Kennedy may have been killed by the CIA. It could have been an inside job. You can't stop people who're willing to martyr themselves." I cursed at him and said he was stupid. I immediately felt awful, but I was angry and I wanted to teach him something that would change his mind. Then, in the car, on the way to the prison as I listened to Mc Cain and Obama debate health care, education, Roe vs. Wade, and closing remarks, I felt sick about the future. It wasn't a relaxing start to teaching yoga at the prison. It set the tone and I was disjointed. But the women were sweet to me and appreciate anyone coming, giving their time, and sharing knowledge with them. I taught a basic yoga class and threw in a few things I hoped they'd never seen before. People who love yoga enjoy learning new poses and ways of refreshing familiar ones. It was a small class and they tried to make me feel comfortable. I made them laugh out loud a few times, because I'm an outrageous GrandMa who teaches yoga. I told them I would be back next week. They asked if I would start another class. I said I would think about it. I walked out of the prison and cold air hit my face. Tears welled up in my eyes as I got to my car and turned on the engine and heater. I put 'Substitute For Love' on the cd player, slowly drove the snow covered road back to Glen Highway, and headed South to Anchorage. I looked at the fog, snow, and cold, damp air hanging in the Alaska night. I know I'll be shown the way. Things will become clearer to me soon. I understand why people don't like it here, but I've only just begun.
I'm using an image of my favorite totem from Alert Bay. I'm posting it in honor of the women in prison and all the people I love.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Friday gives me joy
The wind is up
Clouds stack and drift
My heart hears a new song
A sweet, soft melody
Dreamy and touching
I melt in the view
Standing and facing east to the Chugach
I turn to each sacred direction
Open my heart
with my love
I honor the day and am satisfied
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
I ponder the clouds
and am amazed at the changes
still on track
I'm approaching the year in a new way
open to my future
but relishing the moment
I honor the sacrifice
doing my own work and art
Hiking the forest
filled with ancient spruce
rattle flowers and willow
I sang with the Raven
and the message was
fly Robin fly
Friday, October 3, 2008
I woke with the sound of trains and rain. I feel the end of Autumn is here and I look within myself to sense the reaction of my heart as winter steps closer. The shelter of warmth will be transformed into silent snow. I listen to my pulse drumming the pace of life flowing in my veins. I dance and twirl celebrating free spirit. My dreams reveal the depth of the pockets of pain. I'm healing and it's relief to recognize how I've grown. I understand myself and acknowledge that my bravery and passion quell the doubting mind. Thank you Alaska.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Looks like the baby moose found his mama. The last few days in Anchorage have been beautiful and I've enjoyed the sun and colors of fall. Being back in Alaska since my adventure east seeing my family has been telling. I went to Portland, Oregon, New Jersey and New York. When I got off the plane at the Ted Stevens Airport in the wee hours, I smelled the fresh air and knew again how wonderful Alaska is. I've felt heart ache and pain here, but I've never felt more alive and connected with my true self. I don't know what will happen or exactly how I'll make my way, but I continue to trust it shall be revealed.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The term moose comes from an Algonquian word meaning "eater of twigs". I encountered this moose yesterday morning. I was on my first hike back in AK, when this baby came out of no where running. He was crying. I figured he was lost from his Mommy. Poor baby. He was fast and upset. I thought he was going to charge me. I said, "Go on and find your Mama!' He whimpered and took off.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Autumn in New York and New Jersey is crisp and lovely. I've been treated to all the bounty of the East Coast. I float in my Jeep and listen to the new Dylan record. Goodness and fun abound. I kiss my Grand Children and hug my daughter and son who are parents now and have a full grasp on their lives. I'm lucky. I study the magic healing arts. I write my book about the 'Reluctant Shaman' and find that my dreams and visions lead me to the source.